Juyza's Lyric
by Stefan Twoflower Gagne
Summary: A view at life in Nerima from a social outsider's perspective. Good for Ukyou fans, too. Bad for U/R fans.


Ranma 1/2 : Juyza's Lyric  
  
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne  
  
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever  
even considered claiming that these were my own characters  
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced  
to eat my own bladder to live.)  
  
-=-  
  
This story has three 'roots' to it that brought the concept  
about.  
  
The first is my series, March of the Pigs. Juyza gets an  
EXTREMELY brief mention in that story, being the brother that was  
kicked out to make room for Azusa Shiratori's ever-increasing  
kawaii gallery. I named the brother and gave him a personality  
for use on RanmaMUCK (very nice takahashi mania online, by the  
way, ObPlug). The story does not take place AFTER MotP, since  
Ryouga would be gone in that case.  
  
It's not pure silliness; it tells the Ranma historik from  
the POV of someone not directly involved in it. Often the  
overlooked or rarely seen characters get the short end of the  
stick, or miss out on the major action. In this respect, it's  
very similar to the controversial Tiny Toon Adventures fanfic  
series 'Mortimer' (although not as offensive) since it deals with  
a character that was there all along but ignored, bringing about  
a more serious tale in the same world.  
  
Lastly, some of the concepts regarding Azusa and Mikado  
(notably the character of Chance) are drawn from Mikado on  
AnimeMUCK's unreleased fanfiction series. I've made sure to  
explain these relationships here to prevent any prerequisite  
reads, and keep the characters accurate to his work. Look for it  
if it gets posted; it's really bizarre and quite hilarious.  
  
(You can now find me on RanmaMUCK as Azusa, and I have a  
puppet for Juyza there as well. Stop by and give me something  
cute or I'll break your arm!)  
  
Also, there is an EXTENSIVE postscript on this sucker  
attached to the bottom of the story, dealing with the semi-  
controversial nature of it ("Egads! Ranma, and it's not HAPPY  
SILLY FUN FUN?!!? THE HORROR..."), since the story got an 80%  
negative reaction amoung proofreaders. I'm releasing it anyway  
because...  
  
1. I spent 3 weeks on it, more than any other story to  
date (INCLUDING FWLS stories...)  
2. I dumped quite a spew of my own emotion into it.  
3. I like it.  
  
So, read on, but bewarned that it's not typically  
Takahashian in nature. Variety is good. (This comment is not a  
paid advertisement for Variety magazine, although if Variety were  
to send me vast sums of money for mentioning it, I wouldn't mind.   
Really.)  
  
-=-  
  
+-------------------------------------------+  
| Mastered for optimal performance |  
|in readability and character recognition...|  
+-------------------------------------------+  
  
+------------------------------------+  
| The audience is reading |  
| |  
| #### ##### ##### ###### ###### |  
| ## ## ## ## ## ## |  
| ###### #### ## ## ## |  
| ## ## ## ## ## ## |  
| ## ## ##### ##### ###### ###### |  
+------------------------------------+  
  
(Supplemental material will be found on  
the last disc, as well as the lyrics to  
the closing song.)  
  
+-------------+  
| RANMA 1/2 |  
+-------------+  
  
+---------------+  
| JUYZA'S LYRIC |  
+---------------+  
  
-=-  
  
January 1st.  
  
Second log entry. Yeah, I know, first one in the book but  
that's because I ripped out the first entry in anger and tossed  
it. Strange behavior, but I wasn't particularly happy at the  
time. You wouldn't be either if your parents decided to abandon  
ship on your life.  
  
I'll summarize, or else this journal would be incomplete.   
My name, as you can tell by the penknife scratched cover, is  
Juyza. Juyza Shiratori. I'm not in any family photos because my  
sister, little miss Azusa 'Kawaii' Shiratori whines that I'd  
break the lens with my kawaiikunehood. You probably don't know  
anything about me as a result of this.  
  
We weren't much of a family, at least not under the surface.   
On the surface you'd see good little housewife Mommy baking pies,  
Daddy with a pipe and slippers, and adorable little Azusa playing  
with a dolly on the living room rug. One big happy family. I'm  
not in the picture of course, because I'm not ideal enough. Mom  
and Dad ignored me, only dealing with me when I shoved my  
existence into their faces.  
  
"Mom, I got an A in science!" I cheered one day in the  
fourth grade. "Ms. Hinako loved my remote control biohazard  
handling robot."  
  
"Hmm? Were you saying something, Juyza? Azusa, do that  
teapot song again. I LOVE that! It's so kawaii."  
  
She'd do it, and for the twentieth time that day, Mom would  
applaud. They'd buy her dollies and candy and pets and nice  
clothes while I made do on a pitiful allowance. It was a miracle  
that I managed to get a computer from these skinflints; I got it  
by promising that Azusa could play CD-ROM edutainment games on  
it, a promise I never bothered fulfilling.  
  
The Shiratoris had turned spoiling little girls into an  
artform. Azusa got the most attention, but they heaped  
undeserved rewards upon any other little girl that lurked in the  
family tree of Shiratori... the male half of that tree formed a  
brotherhood of apathy and rejection, bonding together to survive  
the few times the Shiratori clan was forced to get together and  
suffer through Azusa raised to the nth power.  
  
Azusa ALWAYS, repeat, ALWAYS got her way. When Mom and Dad  
showed the slightest negative signs, out would flow the tears  
until they caved. I had to sit back and watch all of it, fending  
for my own as much as possible.  
  
Therefore, it's almost poetic justice that last week Mom and  
Dad ditched us. They were feeding the demon that was my sister,  
letting her grow strong and spoiled and rotten. She easily took  
total control of the house; keeping me out of family photos was  
just the start, the test to see what power she had over the rest  
of my family. Soon she was decorating the house to her liking,  
arranging cute crayon drawings for wall hanging instead of the  
paintings that had been in the Shiratori family for years.  
  
The time came after Christmas morning when Azusa was ready  
to take the final step; total conquest of the house. It was  
frightening. We woke up the next morning in the upstairs hall,  
futons dragged out of our rooms. Inside the rooms was more  
kawaii than one person could handle.  
  
Azusa had taken over. My room was now the Pet Room, her  
room the Doll Room, and our parent's bedchamber was the Bright  
Shiny Object Room. She took my laserdisc player for that last  
one, and chucked my collection (including The Wall, Jacob's  
Ladder and the Blade Runner director's cut) out the window. How  
she managed to pull this overnight without any notice was beyond  
me... she justified it, claiming that with all her new Christmas  
gifts, she ran out of room in HER bedroom and required more  
space.  
  
Mom and Dad tried to protest, but they just weren't any  
match for her. She had them in a headlock of kawaiihood,  
threatening to cry if they didn't approve of her new  
organizational enterprise. Mom and Dad quietly shuffled down to  
the dining room, futon in hand, and camped out there. I  
reluctantly followed; Azusa would have kicked my ass otherwise.  
  
(Ah, yes, that was the other problem. Azusa had been  
training with one Mikado Sanzenin, some eccentric playboy I'll  
undoubtedly talk about later. She was always violent when she  
didn't get her way, but now was frighteningly GOOD at it. I'm  
not afraid of my sister, but I don't wanna get hurt either, so I  
just avoid dealing with the bitch.)  
  
Mom and Dad left that night. They were beaten and they knew  
it... the process of leaving was extended over the week. Every  
day, both were working overtime (despite the holidays) or on  
business trips, leaving little notes for Azusa to do cook me  
dinner. Eventually the notes stopped, and they never came back.   
I don't know where they went and I don't care. They got what  
they deserved.  
  
I wrote that up in this journal, then tore it up and threw  
it away last night. I was too mad to think straight that night  
because I couldn't understand why they left, how they let Azusa  
skate all over them like that. I know now how weak they were,  
and how much fear they had of my sister and why. They've been  
punished enough, and don't need my anger. Let them go, always  
remembering the one they let overpower them, the soft bastards.   
Regret will do my work for me.  
  
That takes me to present day. I had been camping out in the  
dining room, occasionally trying to take my own room back; always  
being thrown out by Azusa, sliding down the 45' ramp that used to  
be our staircase before Azusa convinced Dad to rip it out and  
install a kawaii skating slope. The fight went on all week until  
today, when she kicked me out.  
  
She was sick of me being 'pushy' and 'trying to take what  
was rightfully hers'. I tried to explain Japanese property law  
to her, but she kicked me one in the chest and I slid down the  
stairs again, headfirst.  
  
"Out! I want you out of MY house, kawaiikune baka!" she  
called from upstairs. "It's MINE! MINE!"  
  
I'm not mad. Not now.  
  
She can rot on her own for all I care, surrounded by her  
kawaii objects and pink wallpaper. I don't need her one bit.   
I'm gone. Tomorrow, I start my life anew, away from HER.  
  
*  
  
January 4th.  
  
Things aren't going well. I've checked into a hotel, but  
until I can crack Dad's bank account by remote I'm on my own  
moneywise. I've survived on one meal a day, trying to keep my  
spending to a minimum--  
  
Argh. Who would have thought that self-sufficient living  
would be so HARD?  
  
I don't even have my daily stress reliever handy. One thing  
I'll never forgive Azusa for is her taking my CD collection and  
trashing it in her new year's rage. All my Nine Inch Nails...  
Pantera... Queensryche... gone, broken to bits and destroyed.   
All I had left, a few measly metal CDs, I hoarded like gold. My  
laptop computer with CD-ROM survived my kicking out,  
miraculously, but finding a good place to use it is hard. I  
simply don't have a home anymore.  
  
All this travel and uprooting has made me really hate  
winter. Not only is it snowy and icy and grayer than hell, but  
it's freezing cold and I have to march to school in this weather;  
no more car pools with Daddy Dearest. Life is really starting to  
suck, or has sucked all this time and sucks to a higher order of  
sucking now that it's kicking me in the nuts.  
  
I need a way to survive this.  
  
I NEED A JOB.  
  
That's what it boils down to, I need a job somewhere that'll  
keep me in the black. Supplies are goin' down each day, and I  
will not be going back 'home' for more. I saw an advert posted  
in the window of some restaurant and quickly tore it down to  
ensure an open slot... after school tomorrow, I'll check that.   
First, however, I have a book report to type up. Excuse me.  
  
*  
  
January 5th.  
  
Mikado's getting on my nerves.  
  
I hadn't been paying much attention to him all year. It's  
hard not paying attention to Mikado, since he's impossible to  
avoid seeing, what with the Mikado Sanzenin Fan Club trailing him  
all over the Kolkhoz High School. Hordes of females, all  
hounding him for autographs and words of wisdom and dates.   
Mikado just rolls in it like a pig in slop, getting kisses in  
whenever he can and using women like cheap toys.  
  
I'd ignored it until now, since that was just Mikado and  
Mikado was what Mikado was. Mikado got the women, and you got  
the dregs; IF you were lucky. Everybody at Kolkhoz knew him, and  
he never changed, one of the few constants in life that you could  
truly rely on.  
  
However, today I had to ask him something. I waited in  
English class, before the bell was going to ring. He sits in  
front of me. The shine from his hair is blinding at times.  
  
"How do you stand being Azusa's skating partner?" I asked.  
  
"Excuse me?" Mikado said, turning around in his seat. The  
fan who was trying to shower him with praise humphed and left.  
  
"Azusa. How do you handle her?"  
  
Mikado looked me over. "Who're you?"  
  
"Juyza Shiratori," I replied.  
  
"I don't see any family resemblance."  
  
(Which is correct, because I go out of my way to avoid  
resembling Azusa. I've got messy hair, glasses, and a really  
evil looking trenchcoat. The less people associate me with her,  
the better.)  
  
"She's pushy, but you seem solid as a rock when it comes to  
getting your way with women. How do you handle her? Kisses and  
romance?"  
  
Mikado went pale. "NO! Gods, no, AZUSA? Romance? No. I  
don't think so. Azusa and I are just partners. We both are  
expert martial artists and shine like brilliant gold on the ice.   
We're the Golden Pair."  
  
"That's what she calls her gerbils. The Golden Pair," I  
smirked, letting that sink in.  
  
Mikado's smile fell. "Umm. She didn't make that name up,  
actually, no, I did. Just a coincidence, I assure you. I MIGHT  
consider changing it later. What was your original question?"  
  
"How do you deal with her?"  
  
"Simple. I don't, thank goodness," he said, giving me a sly  
wink as the bell rang an the teacher signalled for class to  
begin.  
  
Some help that was. At least I knew for a fact now that he  
wasn't poking my sister... although a confirmed kissing bandit  
like him avoiding his most everpresent target was strange indeed.   
Then again, knowing my sister, he had every right to fear and  
avoid her, good skater or not. The last thing any male should be  
is Azusa Shiratori's kawaii new boy toy, who she can dress and  
hug and name George.  
  
That wasn't the annoying part, though. The annoying part  
was when we read our book reports aloud.  
  
Mine was very comprehensive and covered all the bases. A+  
paper at LEAST. I read it quite proudly, since this was the best  
work I had ever done for this class... no reaction. Class bored.   
Understandable, since the material was fairly dry. I could have  
let it slide easily.  
  
Then MIKADO stands up in front of class. You know those  
commercials from america that they're running here now, the EF  
Hutton ones? Similar situation. His report is two pages under  
the minimum, poorly written and cheaply supported. Crap.  
  
However, he's reading it like Shatner and striking poses  
wherever possible, casting Come Hither looks to all the girls in  
class. They're hanging on his every word, enrapt with his speech  
patterns. One of the females passes out halfway through. He  
closes weakly on a dangling modifier and everybody applauds their  
brains out, causing numerous bows before his sits down.  
  
He doesn't deserve attention like that. He doesn't deserve  
it, but is going to get it; he's the Pretty Boy Floyd, the teen  
heartthrob that gives people official permission to look beyond  
the non-perfect people and see him shining brightly, like a disco  
ball through the fog. All I can do is be swept aside in his wake  
and spin off on my own, bored and alone.  
  
*  
  
January 6th.  
  
I got that job I investigated earlier. Service and food  
industry, which is fairly expected... who cares if I'm an  
aspiring electronics engineer with a 3.6 grade average? I'm a  
teenager, thus flipping burgers I shall be. Or in this case,  
waiting tables and flipping okonomiyaki.  
  
The place in question is a little restaurant called  
Ucchan's. The proprietor, Ukyou, seemed to understand my  
situation; I guess she had encountered or at least heard of my  
sister before, even if they go to different schools. (A school  
without Mikado Sanzenin and Azusa Shiratori!?? Sign me up!)  
  
"I can offer you semi-full-time employment here," she said.   
"I'm having trouble keeping the place open while I'm supposed to  
be at school anyway. Can you work during school hours?"  
  
"I don't mind," I said. "I just need to show for the tests.   
The teachers don't notice me. Besides, attending Kolkhoz isn't  
one of the high points of my life."  
  
"Do you need somewhere to sleep?" she asked. I guess I  
should have taken that shower before the hotel booted me out... I  
smelled like a bum. Looked like one too.  
  
"Unless you can pay me enough to stay at a hotel, yes."  
  
So she set me up in the back room, with a cheap futon, a  
power outlet and a phone jack. Fine by me; my only possessions  
were my laptop computer avec modem and a backpack with  
schoolbooks and salvaged CDs.  
  
To tell the truth, I'm beginning to miss my house. So it's  
cheerful beyond good taste! So it's run by Dominatrix Azusa! It  
was technically my home. She still had my laserdisc player and  
my spare parts bucket for electronic creations, too. A little  
central heating is always nice in these cold winter months, near  
a nice fire and a warm blanket. Bite me, I'm sentimental.  
  
Still, I'm committed to self-sufficient living. I can't  
cook worth a darn though... it showed immediately in the  
'okonomiyaki' I had to cook up occasionally today. I can't help  
it, Azusa or Mom always handled the cooking for me, and as long  
as I could deal with sugar overload I was perfectly happy living  
on their meals.  
  
No... this thought of my old residence wasn't helping. I'll  
just have to purge myself of those memories. After all, I've got  
a bold new future to explore, very Azusaless.  
  
*  
  
January 7th.  
  
Ukyou sees customers leaving due to the sloppy okonomiyaki I  
make, and decides to teach me how to make them properly to keep  
from losing any business. She wasn't very angry, oddly. I was  
expecting to get the boot, but instead she went about teaching me  
the art of okonomiyaki. I wonder if I'd get similar treatment at  
some other greasy spoo... spatula.  
  
I've found that if I take a very mechanical attitude towards  
it (dividing the recipe up into steps and motions) it works fine,  
with a little concentration. I still suck at cooking anything  
else, however. Okonomiyaki is the only menu item, making this  
Not A Problem.  
  
Ukyou seems really nice. I'm not just saying that because  
she's housing me while I'm in exile from Shiratori Manor... the  
only girls I've really bumped into during my empty life have  
either been :  
  
AZUSA AND/OR OTHER AZUSA CLONES IN THE SHIRATORI FAMILY,  
whom I've described in spades already.  
  
SCARED OF ME OR NOT WANTING TO DEAL WITH ME, since I'm not  
exactly pretty looking, and can be spotted in police lineups  
easily.  
  
A MIKADO FANBOY, err, fangirl, which meant she was otherwise  
distracted by Mr. 1% Body Fat.  
  
Therefore, I can conclude that going to Kolkhoz is stunting  
my social growth. I've asked Ukyou how I could go about  
attending her school (Furinkan) instead, and will start into the  
paperwork tomorrow. If the paperwork gets too boring I'll just  
try to hack their registration computer and put myself there. No  
need to bug them with forms when I can eliminate the middleman.  
  
I helped Ukyou close up shop today, and we talked about  
winter and how boring and lonely it was at times. Ukyou isn't as  
moody as I am, but something seems amiss... like there's a big  
gap in her life that doesn't get filled often enough. I wonder  
if there's anything I could do to help, since I do owe her for  
helping me out in this sucky portion of my life.  
  
*  
  
January 8th.  
  
Seems Ukyou's engaged, which is funny, because I never saw  
her ring. Some guy with a ponytail named Ranma entered the  
restaurant today with a cute girl named Akane, both arguing as  
they took a table. I started to get their order, but Ukyou cut  
me off and dove in for the tip before I could.  
  
"Ran-chan! It's so nice to see you today! You too, Akane!"  
she cheered, downtrailing the end of her sentence.  
  
"Just the usual, Ucchan," Ranma asked, returning to some  
argument with Akane. I forget the details exactly; from the  
sounds of it, the two were used to verbal exchanges like these.   
It was fairly reminiscent of Azusa and I yelling... although  
Azusa would have faked a cry by now and whooped my butt.  
  
Anyway, I headed back to the kitchen, where Ukyou was  
preparing some okonomiyaki I had never seen before.  
  
"What's that for?" I asked. "It's not the usual pattern of  
ingredients."  
  
"For Ran-chan! It's his favorite okonomiyaki recipe."  
  
"Who is he, anyway?" I asked.  
  
"He's my fiancee!"  
  
That surprised me, since I had never pegged Ukyou as the  
romantic type. She seemed too sensible to get wrapped up in big  
puppy dog eyes and candles. Nevertheless, around Ranma, she was  
all giggles and mirth. Ever see 'Invasion of the Body  
Snatchers'? Same deal. Ukyou went into total joy mode, bouncy  
and happy around Ranma. Reminded me of Azusa too much, to tell  
the truth. Today was like someone slammed a gallon of sucrose  
through her.  
  
I dug a little deeper and found out that Saotome had... get  
this... not one, but THREE fiancees and several other female  
admirers. Perhaps transferring to Furinkan was a bad idea; at  
least Mikado used women up and threw them away, this Saotome guy  
was leading three girls on with the idea of marriage. The  
thought of going from Mikado to Ranma seemed more and more like  
going from the frying pan into the fire, exchanging one Pretty  
Boy Floyd for another. A worse one, from the looks of it.  
  
However, in the end I decided that I shouldn't let him keep  
me out of Furinkan. The chance to escape my life like this was  
too prime to pass up, even if I would be ignored as usual.  
  
*  
  
January 9th.  
  
Ranma's starting to wonder about me, and has asked Ukyou  
(when he didn't know I was listening in) what my relationship was  
with her. Typical of a Mikadoesque person to worry about  
potential competition.  
  
"Who's the new guy you've got working here?" he asked,  
digging into his day's okonomiyaki. Akane ate hers silently.  
  
"Just some poor guy who's down on his luck," Ukyou said.   
"He's Azusa's brother, apparently."  
  
"Ow," Ranma said. "Poor guy indeed."  
  
You know, it just goes to show : I can't escape my last name  
anywhere. I have yet to decide if the pity it seems to bring is  
enough to make me go look for another job, though. Ukyou may  
have given me a fair shake, but was it because she thought I  
could do the job, or was it because she knew about my sister?   
I'd like to think I was a people person, not a martyr. Akane  
reacted in a different way to my last name, though, repressed  
anger. Maybe little sister took something she owned?  
  
I say this because she stopped me on her way out the door.   
I thought it was to tip me, which she had forgotten to do, but  
apparently she had other ideas.  
  
"You're Azusa's brother, yeah?" she asked, which is silly  
considering that Ukyou had already told her.  
  
"Juyza Shiratori," I nodded.  
  
"Tell your silly little sister to quit trying to break into  
my house. P-Chan's MINE, not hers."  
  
She promptly left, dragging Ranma with her by his ponytail.   
Whatever P-Chan was, I got the picture. Azusa was on object-  
obsession-overdrive. How Akane was able to beat her off was  
beyond me, though. When Azusa wanted something, typically she  
got it. That's just what Azusa is, and what she does. Either  
Akane was super strong, super clever, or just really good at  
defending her possessions from insane cute people.  
  
I went back to my old school (since the transfer papers  
would take 24 hours to process) that day to finish a few tests  
and perform wrap-up on my miserable school existence there. Once  
that was done... Hel-looo, Furinkan! Finally, it was back to  
Ucchan's to clean up and close up shop. We got into the usual  
friendly chatter.  
  
"Who's P-Chan?" I asked her during a normal break in topics,  
whilst mopping the floor.  
  
"P-Chan?" Ukyou repeated. "Just a pet pig Akane has."  
  
"A pet. That explains it."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Azusa. She's got a thing for pets. She kicked me out of  
the house so she'd have room for them all. What used to be my  
room now has a lot of empty cages, waiting to be filled, and cute  
bunny and ducky wallpaper."  
  
"That's why you're not there now?" Ukyou asked.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"How's she doing, alone at home?"  
  
"Who cares?" I asked, with apropos arm motions. "She wanted  
everybody out so badly, so that's what we did. Mom and Dad left  
us because they didn't want to handle her, and I left because I  
didn't want to handle her. We didn't fit into her kawaii little  
world. You know, she sometimes beats up the neighbors if they  
don't keep their lawns as kawaii as hers. NOBODY can live in  
Azusa's little world but Azusa Shiratori."  
  
I kept mopping, silence repeated back and forth between us.  
  
"How do you do it, by the way?" I asked. "Being self-  
sufficient, I mean. You don't have any family here, right?"  
  
"That's right," Ukyou nodded. "I left home to pursue Ran-  
chan."  
  
"You've got a business, sort of a fiancee, and you're a  
normal, well-adjusted person," I totalled up. "How'd you manage  
that? I'm barely shuffling by on tips."  
  
"I try," Ukyou shrugged. "It's not easy, mind you. It gets  
a bit lonely at times, which is why I'm so glad Ran-chan stops by  
for lunch every now and then. I miss my family, but I'd miss  
Ran-chan more if I went home in defeat. So I'll make do here as  
best as I can, and wait for him to finally marry me."  
  
Ukyou went home, and I went into the back room, and we fell  
asleep pretty distant from each other.  
  
*  
  
January 10th.  
  
My first day at Furinkan. I attended all of my classes,  
Ukyou deciding that my education was more important than my job  
as we divided the work day equally. Very boring, really...  
Furinkan could very well be Kolkhoz, if it wasn't for the  
different style of clock implanted in the front wall. All these  
schools start to look the same after awhile, with the same kinds  
of people and the same kinds of classes.  
  
I didn't bump into Ranma or any of the others, but I've  
learned a few things about social structure here... there's this  
wannabe samurai called Kunou who is the loudest mouth of  
Furinkan, and his dad is a loon with a fixation on Hawaii. Kunou  
has a sister named Kodachi with a thing for drugged flowers.   
Also, it seems that Akane Tendo gets as much attention as  
Mikado... she rebukes it, however, keeping her from becoming  
another Sanzenin incarnate. What is it about certain people that  
gets them a bunch of fanboys?  
  
I got an account at Furinkan's computer science  
department... juyza@shavenyak.furinkan.edu.jp. Yay. Service is  
rather limited, which I fixed with some quick 'n dirty hacks to I  
could access MUDs and IRC.  
  
Work was the usual today. Talked to Ukyou some, served  
okonomiyaki, cleaned up, ran the net and fell asleep. I'm  
beginning to fall into a fairly comfortable pattern here, just  
like the warm house I used to live in, only better. I can dig  
it.  
  
On a Twilight Zone note, I saw a Turn Left sign move today,  
shuffling along in the newly fallen snow. I stepped outside to  
investigate, and it ran away. This may explain recent traffic  
disruptions.  
  
*  
  
January 11th.  
  
Found two interesting things out today during work.  
  
One, Ukyou has an admirer as well. Not a fan club like  
Mikado, Ranma or Akane, but a single unrequited Fatal Attraction  
type... more like the Crying Game, which I'll shortly explain.  
  
It started when I noticed one too many plants in the store.   
I commented about it to Ukyou, she promptly scooped up the plant  
with a spatula and hurled it out the door, shouting insults at  
the plant. Really awful insults, ones I'd never picture proper  
Ukyou saying; this was the third recorded Ukyou Personality to  
date. There was Normal Ukyou, a nice girl who lived life one day  
at a time. Ranma's Ukyou, a eager to please girl who fawned over  
him like a new doll. Now, Tsubasa's Ukyou, a snarling spatula-  
tossing demon of rage. Yow.  
  
I took a postmature lunch break and walked out to see the  
plant wreckage, but found a small girl with a pot of dirt on her  
leg, stumbling and dazed.  
  
Here's the deal; it's not a girl but some transvestite named  
Tsubasa, as mentioned. HE seems to have a thing to his 'Ukyou-  
sama,' and dresses funny to match her crossdressing. I didn't  
notice any crossdressing on Ukyou myself... just because she  
doesn't wear skirts doesn't make her a tomboy. Some people just  
don't appreciate earthy, natural good looks when surrounded by  
adorable little Akanes.  
  
Tsubasa ran off to get a better disguise and I went back to  
work. I guess Ukyou was too caught up in this Ranma character to  
deal with Tsubasa in any way other than beatings, since he was  
every bit as persistent as Azusa... although in an endearing way,  
not in a violent way. I don't think he'd ever hurt her. He's  
not right for her though, playing fanboy just like the others.   
That's not love, it's blind obsession.  
  
The other fun thing I learned was that Mikado has a personal  
bodyguard. He introduced himself to me, but did it in such a way  
as to not say anything about himself at all. Name, rank and  
serial number was about all I got.  
  
He wasn't too much older than me, but certainly not high  
school age. I counted the number of concealed weapons he had in  
his military drag, quite surprised by the digits involved. I'm  
rather good at IDing sneaky plans, even if I did miss the one  
that got me homeless. Chance had a simple request.  
  
"Mikado requests that you go home," he stated.  
  
"I am home," I said, crossing my arms.  
  
"Not here, nitwit, back to Shiratori Manor. Azusa's been  
hounding Mikado for money, since she's running out quite rapidly,  
and to avoid having her drop out of the Golden Pair he's had to  
fork it over. This cuts into MY paycheck and thus is Not Good."  
  
"What ARE you doing for him, anyway?"  
  
"Sorry, sir, that's classified," Chance stated. "Need to  
know basis only. It would be beneficial for all parties involved  
if you would return to your home."  
  
"This clear with Azusa?" I asked.  
  
"I don't think she'd mind, after initial protest. Frankly,  
Azusa can't handle the affairs of the house. Taxes are coming up  
and she could lose the house if she botches them badly enough."  
  
"Good for her," I grinned.  
  
Chance was confused. "What, you're going to ditch your  
sister when she needs you?"  
  
"Just returning the favor. She wants me back so bad, she  
can come ask me herself. She'll have to take back what she did  
to me before I take back doing the same to her."  
  
"Come on, Juyza, you KNOW she'd never do that."  
  
"Then I guess she's up the creek, huh?" I said. "Wonder if  
she'll be staying at her dear San-chan's place when she loses my  
previously unhappy home. Have fun with that mental picture."  
  
Chance freaked at this, but I didn't listen to his response.   
I had customers to wait on, and wasn't gonna let Ukyou down with  
this ridiculous concept of homecoming.  
  
*  
  
January 12th.  
  
Boring day. Classes are just as monotonous as they were  
before, and as easy. I don't mind, since this lets me work more  
or just cool off from a day's angst-load. I got to watch Kunou  
get his butt kicked by Ranma during lunch, which was amusing. I  
lost a hundred yen betting on Kunou to some brown-haired girl,  
which was not amusing.  
  
After work, Ukyou asked me what Chance had wanted the  
previous day. I told her, and she seemed surprised at my  
reaction.  
  
"Shouldn't you go back and help your sister?" she asked.  
  
"Ukyou, she ditched ME. Mom and Dad ditched me, too. I  
don't think I owe any of them jack at this point," I said  
finishing wiping off a table. "Give me ONE good reason why I  
should."  
  
"It'd be the responsible thing to do," Ukyou said. "You've  
been asking me how I manage to live on my own, and I've always  
told you it's through responsibility."  
  
"What, you think I have some obligation to her?" I asked.  
  
"Of course you do! She's family."  
  
"Would you go home and ditch Ranma if your parents wanted  
you to?" I asked.  
  
Ukyou couldn't answer that.  
  
*  
  
January 12th.  
  
Ukyou's hounding me to go home. She's getting worried about  
AZUSA of all people, and is beginning to get angry with me for  
shrugging little sis off so easily.  
  
I'd rather not enrage Ukyou, partly because I saw what she  
did to Tsubasa, and partly because I didn't like to see her  
getting so angry. I didn't want to be a burr under her saddle,  
so I tried just dodging the subject. She's very persistent...  
learned it from years of dogging after Ranma, despite a zero  
factor of success.  
  
"Alright, suppose I did try to move back in and she wouldn't  
let me. What then?"  
  
"Stand up to her. If you don't lend a hand, she's going to  
lose everything."  
  
"She'll beat me up. She always does. I don't mind, but  
that routine does get old after awhile."  
  
"Well... reason with her, then."  
  
"Reason? Hel-lo? REASON with Azusa Shiratori. That's  
quite a concept."  
  
"You've just got to establish a space. How do you think I  
manage to get noticed by Ranma among all his fiancees? Space. I  
make my presence known, even if I've got stiff competition.   
Nobody can kick me out of his life, and believe me, they've  
tried."  
  
"Why DO you hound after that Ranma character?" I asked. "I  
mean, honestly, you're a nice girl who could have a good  
relationship with anybody, Tsubasa aside. What makes Ranma  
special?"  
  
"Ran-chan's the nicest man I know. We've been friends since  
we were little... he's sweet and caring and kind and so  
kawaii..."  
  
"You sound like my sister," I grumped. "Alright, you want  
me to go so bad, I'll go. Am I fired?"  
  
"Of course not. You still need a financial source, right?"  
she asked. "That IS why you work here, after all."  
  
I hadn't told her that I managed tap into Dad's bank account  
four days ago. It wasn't appropriate at the moment.  
  
*  
  
January 13th, a friday. Great.  
  
Actually, it went better than I thought I would. Azusa at  
first tried to beat me off and kick me out upon seeing me, but I  
managed to drive the truth home.  
  
"What'll you do when tax time shows? When the groceries run  
out? When the toilets overflow and the house collapses in an  
earthquake?" I asked.  
  
"..."  
  
"Exactly," I nodded. "Face it, sis, you need someone around  
to handle all the kawaiikune duties involved in Shiratori Manor.   
I don't want anything from you other than room and board, and  
I'll chip in from Dad's account and my job. I only request that  
I get the dining room and wine cellar."  
  
"But I was going to use the wine cellar for my Azusa  
Shrine!" she said. "I've already moved in my trophies and  
artwork."  
  
"So move your crayon scrawlings out. I'll stay completely  
out of your way... the wine cellar's right below the dining room,  
and isolated. Soundproofed, to boot. I just need some space and  
you can resume your spoiled lifestyle in return."  
  
She regretfully cleaned out the wine cellar for my own use.   
I tried getting my laserdisc player back, but she refused; I did  
finagle my stereo out of her, and blasted NIN all night long. It  
was one of the three CDs I had left... Pretty Hate Machine,  
Justice for All and Jar of Flies. She ditched the rest of them  
while I was out.  
  
Still, it felt good being home. I had a place of my own  
that was bigger than Ucchan's storeroom, a better futon and some  
peace 'n quiet. I still had my job at Ucchan's to boot, getting  
the best of both worlds.  
  
Home again, home again, jiggety jig.  
  
*  
  
January 16th.  
  
It's been pretty lonely at times, watching the grey skies  
that coat Nerima from the dining room window. I've been making  
up for it with my afternoon work hours at Ucchan's and the store-  
closeup chats. Azusa stays out of my hair and I stay out of  
hers, coming out only for meals, school and work. Coexistence  
achieved, and actually much nicer under the Azusa Regime than the  
Parental Regime.  
  
I really don't need the job at Ucchan's anymore, since it  
looks like Dad has either not noticed my tampering or noticed but  
sees it as a way to keep me from screaming parental neglect to  
the cops. Fine by me. I'm working less at Ucchan's... just  
enough to qualify as part time and get in a little socializing  
with Ukyou and the students of Furinkan. Can't hurt.  
  
Mikado showed up for practice today with Chance in tow, who  
was doing a good job trying to be subtle at casing the joint. He  
was looking in all the little nooks and crannies, under tables,  
but in casual ways; "Oops, dropped my gun" for instance. I  
suppose he hadn't pegged me as the observational type. He wasn't  
being sloppy, just underestimating me.  
  
While the skaters were busy arguing over possession of  
Kelli, Azusa's new skate shoelace (previously owned six minutes  
ago by Mikado) I stopped Chance for a little chat.  
  
"What're you doing?" I asked.  
  
"Classified."  
  
"Don't give me any of that. You're trying to find good  
spots to stick microphones, right?"  
  
Chance blinked. "Am not."  
  
"It's okay, I can understand. That's the reason you're  
employed, right? Mikado told me awhile back he didn't deal with  
Azusa much, so he must be using you to keep her at bay."  
  
"Among other things, yes," Chance said. "Azusa early  
warning detection and avoidance. My client seeks only to  
interact with her when no other options are allowed. He sees her  
as a serious drag to his social life, in his own words."  
  
"No need to bug the house then. If I spot Azusa headed out  
the door to visit her 'San-chan', I'll stop her or send you a  
warning. How's that?"  
  
"Sounds fair," Chance said, narrowing his eyes. "What do  
you get out of it?"  
  
I got a new NIN CD out of it. Two halos down, seven to go.   
I blasted it all night and relaxed. Relaxing to screaming angst  
is easy, once you get used to it.  
  
*  
  
January 20th.  
  
Azusa comes home every day with a new injury. I'm not  
worried, since I know the little moppet gets into brawls all the  
time, but it's beginning to look like she's LOSING for a change.   
After returning from Ucchan's to eat dinner here, I noticed her  
arm in a sling.  
  
"That awful kawaiikune tomboy Akane did it!" Azusa whined.   
"She took my precious piggy Charlotte and I've been trying to get  
her back all month."  
  
"Whoa, I think I remember this," I said, eating the sugar  
cookie Azusa had baked earlier for dessert. "Didn't you and  
Mikado get into a fight over a pig last year?"  
  
"Charlotte!" Azusa nodded furiously. "I agreed to give  
Charlotte over to her, but lately, I've just missed my dear piggy  
so much..."  
  
"I see. What a shame," I dismissed. "Sister, you really  
need to put less sugar in these. I haven't been able to sleep  
well for the last three nights, bouncing off the walls."  
  
"Juyza-kun?" Azusa asked, batting her eyelashes. "Could you  
do me a TEEENSY favor?"  
  
Okay, I should have known there would be trouble when Azusa  
started talking to me nicely. She never had before; why would  
she start now? Still, I fell for it, and right into her trap.  
  
She wants me to go get this pig for her. I told her I'd  
think about it, but that was just stalling the inevitable, since  
when Azusa Shiratori wants something she'll get it. By hook, or  
by crook, or buy blunt instruments, it'll be hers eventually.  
  
If I resisted, she'd cry, and continued resistance would  
result in a beating and possibly getting kicked out again. I  
didn't know if Ukyou would let me back in to Ucchan's... we were  
certainly on friendly speaking terms, especially since she said I  
wasn't shirking responsibility anymore, but if I left the house  
that might change. So I'd have to get the stupid hog and let  
that be that.  
  
The problem is HOW.  
  
*  
  
January 21st.  
  
If I'm going to surrender, I'm surrendering on MY terms. I  
told Azusa I'd get her dear Charlotte, if and only if she bought  
me two more CDs to replace some of the ones she threw away. The  
idea of Azusa Shiratori, the lace 'n fluff girl buying a Pantera  
album really amuses me, and makes this whole deal tip more in my  
favor. Now I'm not submitting to her will, I'm bending her to my  
own.  
  
I love power. It's a rare thing for me to have.  
  
Now the problem is in getting the pig. It was the weekend  
and I wasn't due at Ucchan's 'til three, so I headed over to the  
Tendo Training Hall under the pretense of getting some lessons.  
  
The sensei cried buckets when I announced that I wanted to  
be a pupil. Methinks I should have picked a better way in, since  
they'd be expecting me to attend multiple classes now; I hoped to  
fade into existing students and split. Lucky me, I'm the only  
student. How does Mr. Tendo own a house in Tokyo without a  
steady source of income? Nerima baffles me sometimes.  
  
Anyway, it turns out I'm as good at martial arts as I am at  
cooking. My feeble attempts to fight resulted in me on my back  
with my mind floating in its own brainpan for five minutes a  
punch.  
  
Somewhere during the lesson, Akane Tendo walked in carrying  
a little black piglet : P-Chan, if I remembered correctly, AKA  
Charlotte to dear sister. I just needed a quiet moment to nick  
the piggy and be off.  
  
Luck tipped in my favor when Mr. Tendo requested that Akane  
spar with me while he goes off to get me some ice for my multiple  
bruises. Akane reluctantly agreed to it, setting the pig down on  
the dojo floor while she ran off to change into a judo suit. A  
PERFECT opening.  
  
I tried just scooping the pig up and making a run for it,  
but Akane returned before I could bolt out the door. The pig  
promptly bit my hand, and Akane attacked me for trying to take  
her pig. That is one overly protective girl. She didn't buy my  
half-stammered excuse of taking P-Chan for a walk and kept  
whacking me with a large hammer she didn't previously have.  
  
After blacking out, I awoke to Mr. Tendo, scolding Akane for  
beating the living hell out of a pupil instead of easing up a  
little. She was very apologetic and didn't mention my attempted  
pignapping. Mr. Tendo scheduled a new lesson which I wasn't  
planning on attending, and I went off to Ucchan's.  
  
Ukyou, after cutting directly through an okonomiyaki in  
surprise at my injuries, applied bandages to my sore spots.  
  
"That tomboy Akane did this to you?" she asked, wrapping a  
gauze around my forehead.  
  
"Yeah. She caught me trying to steal a piglet," I said.  
  
"You were trying to lift P-Chan?" Ukyou asked.  
  
"Azusa demanded that I do it," I replied. "Ow. Don't poke  
that. I'm getting some CDs out of the deal."  
  
"P-Chan doesn't even BELONG to Azusa!"  
  
"Tell that to her," I shrugged. "Possession is 9/10ths of  
the law, according to her, unless someone else is possessing the  
item in question. It's just a pig, who am I to complain? I  
thought you didn't LIKE Akane, anyway."  
  
"If you were nice, you'd urge your sister not to steal other  
people's property," Ukyou stated.  
  
"Like that would work. Don't worry. I don't think I'm  
gonna be able to steal the pig," I said. "Akane covets the  
little furry thing like the Turin Shroud. No way that pig's  
leaving the house. But as long as I try, Azusa'll be happy.   
What do I have to lose?"  
  
"If you do manage to take the pig, Akane'll assume Ranma did  
something to it. She has before, after all, and she'd quite  
possibly hurt my Ran-chan, which I'd like to avoid."  
  
"Wait. Lifting the pig would cause Ranma great harm?" I  
asked. Ukyou nodded.  
  
Hmmmm.  
  
*  
  
January 22nd.  
  
I think I'm gonna go all out on this P-Chan deal. The  
clincher was Ukyou's confirmation that this would be bad for  
Ranma. I don't want to punish Ukyou, but Ranma deserves a little  
humiliation for what he's doing to her. Anybody who totes around  
as many fiancees as he does and mistreats Ukyou by stringing her  
along instead of ditching or committing deserves a BAD TURN. I  
don't much care for ANYBODY who'd triple-time Ukyou.  
  
I can't fight him like Kunou or the others do; I'm no  
martial artist and I never will be, even if martial arts seems to  
get you places in Nerima. So, I'm using my brain, the only real  
resource I've got.  
  
Here's the plan. I spent all of today working on it, since  
my Sundays are never very active. Azusa only bugged me once to  
handle the bills, but I managed to dive back into the blueprints  
shortly after...  
  
Step one is to use my knowledge of Nerima's residents to my  
advantage. I don't have the tools to pull this off properly, but  
with a little theft it'll work. To wit; the greenhouse of the  
Kunou mansion, where I've been told the mistress of the house  
grows special flowers that knock you out better than Ny-Quil. I  
simply pilfer some, go to the Tendo hall, drop a bouquet in there  
and grab the pig while Akane is out of it.  
  
It'll work. It's very simple and easy to detect, but the  
key is that nobody knows me. They're expecting Azusa, who is as  
subtle as a twenty pound sledge, but some total unknown slipping  
in under cover of darkness just isn't going to be noticed. Maybe  
I can succeed where Azusa has failed on that alone. Luck needs  
to be on my side for this.  
  
For a change, my lack of recognition is going to be helpful.   
Poor Ranma. He'll never know WHO hit him. Well, Akane will, but  
he'll never know who got Akane to do it.  
  
*  
  
January 23rd.  
  
D-Day.  
  
D as in either Doom or Defiance. Defiance against Saotome's  
neglect or Doom if Akane and/or Ms. Kunou beat the living hell  
out of me.  
  
Since I write these before I go to bed, I'll let you know up  
front that the operation was a success. Here're the fine  
details, for historical record :  
  
I snuck into Kunou's mansion by pretending to be selling  
photos of Akane. I got the idea when I saw that brown haired  
girl that ripped me on the Ranma Vs. Kunou bet forking over  
photos of Akane and some red haired girl to Kunou, and getting  
ridiculous amounts of money in return.  
  
The door was answered by a little muppet of a man named  
Sasuke, who apparently is Kunou's personal bodyguard. He ran  
inside to fetch some money, assuming that his master would want  
my picture.  
  
I slipped off to the greenhouse, nicking the door open with  
my student ID. I pulled on a cheap plastic gas mask; I had no  
idea how powerful these flowers might be. All the flowers were  
black, all of them roses, but they had weird names on little  
placards... some would paralyze, some drive you wild with  
passion, most of them disabling or hurting in one way or another.   
The sleeping flowers were in the back.  
  
Gathering up a cheap bouquet of the flowers, I headed home  
to develop the other part of the plan; a crane mechanism. I was  
no climber by any stretch, and needed some easy way in and out of  
the Tendo compound.  
  
It was a beauty, a serious feat of engineering marvel. So  
rarely do I get to build machines and devices for reasons other  
than school, and I went nuts with the project, the idea of a  
battered Saotome and new CDs from Azusa driving me all the way.   
It had interlocking robotic joints, designed to handle the strain  
of a single user plus piglet, able to fold up to fit on my back  
at the touch of a button.  
  
(Shame I didn't have time to run down to the patent  
office... window washers would pay a slew for this setup.)  
  
The actual snatching of P-Chan was a breeze. Mostly a  
breeze. Ranma woke up the minute he heard me setting up the  
crane next to the house, and snuck up on me.  
  
"What'cha got there, bub?" he asked.  
  
"Weather equipment," I said, extending the crane. "Part of  
a science project. Mind if I set up here? I won't be long and  
won't disturb anybody."  
  
"Do I know you?" he asked, looking me over carefully. He  
had no facial twitches of recognition... I wasn't Kunou, I wasn't  
Ryouga, I wasn't Kodachi or anybody else who might come a-  
knockin' this late, so I wasn't a threat.  
  
"Nope. Just a student. You may want to step back, the  
slightest breeze could affect my readings."  
  
Saotome stepped back while I prepped the very same crane  
that would pluck P-Chan, Ranma obviously not understanding its  
true purpose. He eventually got bored and left. I waited about  
an hour, paging through a Gibson novel until it was safe to  
assume Saotome had gone to bed.  
  
The harness snapped on, and by remote control I glided up to  
Akane's window like Peter Pan. A few quick oil spurts on the  
hinges to her window and I was in the frame without ANY  
detection. Perfecto.  
  
The flowers went in, landing nicely on her bed. I glued the  
roses together, since it looked like they would fall apart and  
spray the place with petals otherwise; I wanted them OUT, without  
any evidence. I don't think Kodachi ever used them in a stealthy  
manner, but I had to.  
  
Akane kept on sleeping. P-Chan, crushed against her chest  
like a throw pillow, was jarred awake by the impact of the roses  
near him but quickly fell asleep again. PERFECTO twice. (Lucky  
pig though, smashed up near Akane's bosom like that. If he was  
really a human, I could see him getting quite attached to her in  
a way other than pet-master.)  
  
I unhooked from the crane assembly and snuck inside, shoes  
tied around my neck to prevent any sneaker noises. The pig was  
pulled away easily, since Akane was too deep into sleep to put up  
a protest. NICKED. Done.  
  
The crane protested a bit under added weight, but folded up  
and returned me to the side of the house quickly. I stashed the  
crane and hightailed it for Shiratori Manor.  
  
Ranma would probably get a pounding and I would get the  
satisfaction of a little respect from Azusa. Life could not have  
been better. Nobody other than Saotome was worse for wear. As  
for P-Chan, well, he was just a pig; who cared what HE felt?  
  
*  
  
January 24th. V-Day!  
  
Victory at last. Azusa woke up to find P-Chan snuggled up  
in one of her nice shiny cages in my old room. P-Chan woke up  
rather enraged about this, but the cage was unbreakable; I made  
sure to that. 'Charlotte' was staying PUT.  
  
"You did it!" Azusa cheered, hugging the cage. P-Chan  
looked miserable, submitting sadly to his fate.  
  
"Ahem," I prompted.  
  
"Thankee, Juyza-kun!"  
  
"Ahem."  
  
"I'll never forget this. Maybe you can help me get other  
stuff that's been stolen from me--"  
  
"AHEM!"  
  
"Nani?" she asked, batting her eyes cutely.  
  
"My CD. Pantera. You promised," I said. "I fulfilled my  
end of the bargain."  
  
"B... but I can't go into that awful Depleted Uranium Music  
Outlet!" Azusa complained. "It's kawaiikune squared and full of  
ugly smelly people."  
  
"And won't it be SO MUCH FUN shopping there?" I joked,  
leading her out of the room. P-Chan bwee'd angrily at me, so I  
flashed him the bird.  
  
Having Azusa (in her best dress no less) buy a grind and  
whine death metal album was just too much. I watched through the  
store window as the clerk gaped at the adorable little moppet  
buying some good 'ol loud dog-slaying music, ringing up the sales  
receipt in confusion.  
  
Azusa wasn't saying anything, which is good, because revenge  
is best savored silently. I let her know calmly that she had  
better not tell anybody she knows where Charlotte is if she wants  
to keep her, and she nodded quietly in return.  
  
Ucchan's was closed today, for some reason.  
  
*  
  
January 25th. One month since Mom and Dad left, wowee.  
  
I decided to take an early shift at Ucchan's to celebrate my  
victory over the powers that be. I mean, let's face it, I was  
king of my world; I had power over my sister, proven by her  
disgrace at the record store. I had power over the Pretty Boys,  
by getting Ranma in dutch. I was master of all I surveyed and  
feeling DAMN happy, having spit in the eye of everybody that was  
holding me down.  
  
I arrived just as Ucchan was closing for the day.  
  
"Didn't you hear?" she asked. "P-Chan's gone. Akane bent  
Ran-chan's neck after accusing him of losing her pig, and Ran-  
chan's recuperating at Doctor Tofu's while Akane goes off looking  
for her pet."  
  
"So why are you closing the store?" I asked, pointing to the  
swinging 'CLOSED' sign.  
  
"I'm part of the search party. We've been searching since  
yesterday. I hope we find that pig, for Ran-chan's sake."  
  
"Aw, if the baka was dumb enough to lose the pig, let him  
suffer for it," I said before Ukyou pasted me one with her  
spatula.  
  
Okay, that was odd. All the power I had in me was drained  
in a single spatula swipe -- the FIRST TIME Ukyou had ever  
smacked me one. She hits Tsubasa all the time, but never to this  
date had she raised a hand against me, her trusted companion and  
worker. That'll deflate an ego like a ton of bricks.  
  
"Ran-chan is NOT a baka," Ukyou growled. "You take that  
back!"  
  
"Hrmmphhg," I took back, face planted in the cold earth.  
  
Ukyou narrowed her eyes at me as I righted myself. "Juyza,  
YOU wouldn't happen to know what's happened to P-Chan, would  
you?"  
  
"Of course not," I said. "Why would I?"  
  
"Since you were telling me you were going to kidnap him,  
that's why," Ukyou accused. "One might think that was a motive."  
  
"Oh. That. No, I decided it was impossible and folded.   
Azusa wasn't happy, but I don't care."  
  
I wonder if she fell for it...  
  
I joined the search party, consisting mostly of Akane, her  
sisters, Ukyou and a few other Nerima people I hadn't met before.   
We didn't turn up much, since they didn't check Azusa's house...  
odd. Maybe because she didn't claim the pig herself, they didn't  
think he could be there?  
  
Ukyou was really, really trying to find the pig. I didn't  
get why. The damage was done, Ranma was pounded and that was  
that. Wouldn't she be wooing at his bedside, praying her Master  
got better like a good little Ran-chan's servant girl? Or did  
she think that this would help him more?  
  
Ucchan's didn't need cleaning up, so I went home after the  
search party, ignoring the tormented oinks and squeals from the  
Pet Room as I checked my e-mail.  
  
*  
  
January 26th.  
  
Two important things to note, one considerably more  
important than the other. First is I've been beefing up the  
security around the house to avoid anybody locating P-Chan here,  
with a little assistance from Chance, who volunteered to do it  
under unusual circumstances.  
  
Mikado was stopping by to take Azusa out for a weekly  
practice, Chance in tow to prevent Azusa from getting in the way  
of Mikado's otential kiss-victims. Mikado hadn't changed much  
since I ditched Kolkhoz, truth be told, still one of the  
constants of the universe. Rather reassuring in a way.  
  
"What're you doing?" Chance asked, as I fiddled with the  
doorknob.  
  
"Installing a better door lock," I said.  
  
"Humph. Laymen. If you want to secure the house, you're  
doing it all wrong."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Are you trying to keep people inside from leaving or  
outsiders from entering?"  
  
"Ummm... both, if I can."  
  
"That cheap-ass Do-It-Yourself deadbolt won't do either.   
What you need is some perimeter wire with screamers attached, a  
few searchlights, and reinforced glass."  
  
With a speed rivalling the fastest ramen delivery service in  
town, Chance had my house swarming with a dozen similarly-garbed  
military boys, installing sliding blast shields over windows and  
triple-coded, unobtrusive magnetic locks on the three gallery  
doors. Azusa and Mikado were off skating while Chance directed  
the army guys, turning Shiratori Manor into Shiratori Survival  
Bunker.  
  
"Okay, you have alarms set on all major entrances and exits,  
a special DNA printing lock on all upstairs doors and drop-down  
metal panelling over every window," Chance said. "NOW your house  
is secure. You can finish installing that deadbolt if you want,  
but I think it's a bit pointless now..."  
  
"Gaah," I thanked, not sure how to react to turning my house  
into Fort Wayne in under two hours.  
  
"Your bill is a million yen," he said, handing me a receipt.   
"Pay to the Lazarus organization."  
  
"Put it on Mikado's tab," I suggested. "I think this files  
as an Azusa Prevention Measure."  
  
Chance smiled slowly. "Excellent idea, sir. Enjoy your new  
system. I'll leave the user's manual in the dining room, along  
with the remote."  
  
Boy, did I hope 'San-chan' had the cash to cover that.   
Anyway, THAT was the unimportant bit. This was the important  
one.  
  
"Juyza-kun!" Azusa called from the lobby, while I tried to  
pull my laserdisc player out of the wall and sneak it off. A few  
hours had passed since she returned from practice. "Charlotte's  
starting to smell funny. Can you please give her a nice bath  
while I'm out?"  
  
"Where are you going?" I asked out of reflex.  
  
"I'm going to San-chan's for a tea party! Bye!" Azusa  
called, heading out. I lunged for the SecurHouse Remote Control,  
but she was out the door before I could lock up. I shrugged, and  
phoned a warning to Chance. Best I could manage.  
  
I grabbed 'Charlotte's handy portable cage and made my way  
through the double-DNA locks on the Pet Room and Bathroom. Maybe  
this stuff was a little TOO intense... I decided to read the  
manual and shut some of the lesser systems off after finishing  
this chore.  
  
I filled the tub with warm water. P-Chan panicked at the  
sight of the water and whanged around his cage wildly, but I  
managed to wrestle it under control and dip the cage into the  
water. I figured a few good dunks would do it, no need to go  
nuts scrubbing him.  
  
Two things happened.  
  
One, P-Chan vanished. I had no idea piglets were water  
soluble.  
  
Two, some weird naked guy with a bandanna leaped out of the  
tub. I thought, "Hey, a weird naked guy with a bandanna just  
leaped out of my tub." You would too given the situation. I  
don't think Chance had counted on assailants entering through the  
plumbing.  
  
He started throttling me immediately, which wasn't fun, but  
eventually he gave up on that and tried ripping the door open.   
It wouldn't work thanks to the DNA lock, which I'd probably  
disable later since I didn't want guests that needed the toilet  
to get trapped in here forever. For now, it did a good job at  
keeping the boy inside.  
  
"Where'd P-Chan go?" I asked him, but he ignored me and kept  
trying the door. Eventually he realized it wasn't working, and  
jabbed a finger at it, yelling something about exploding points.   
I don't think whatever it was he was expecting to happen  
happened, because he just sat there with a finger pressed against  
the solid oak-with-steel-insides door, confused.  
  
Next he grabbed me and ordered me to open the door. I was  
only happy to oblige, and I got him something to wear while I was  
at it so he wouldn't be running around the house naked.  
  
"Before you run, can you tell me where P-Chan went?" I  
asked.  
  
"I'm... I took him," the boy said. "You've got no right  
capturing and torturing poor pigs like that. Do you have any  
idea the HORRORS your sister has in that Pet Room?! Silly doll  
outfits! Milk bottles with mud in them! And her hugs...  
crushing you to the point of broken ribs..."  
  
"You've got a real hangup over pigs, pal," I commented. The  
boy tightened his headlock and nudged me towards the front door.  
  
"Open it," he ordered. I reached out at my weird angle and  
worked the door open. The boy took off into the night, screaming  
something about rejoining his dear Akane. If he wanted to go to  
the Tendos, he was going the wrong way, but was already out of  
sight before I could warn him.  
  
Weird guy. If he did nab P-Chan, however, I could be in  
trouble. My nyah-nyah in Ranma's face was over and done with,  
but now I'd have to deal with Azusa.  
  
Azusa came home shortly afterwards with a new collar for  
Charlotte to wear (which looked like it was pilfered from a  
prison camp) and completely flipped out when she found his wet  
and broken up cage instead of a piggie.  
  
"Hey, don't blame me, some weird naked guy got him," I  
shrugged. "Jumped me in the bathroom, gave me a speech and  
split. I think he was an animal rights activist or something."  
  
"Get her back!" Azusa demanded. "Charlotte's mine! I want,  
I want! Get me Charlotte!"  
  
"TWO CDs," I said. "And that's just to CONSIDER it."  
  
"I don't wanna go back to that store!"  
  
"So much for your pig, then," I shrugged. Azusa decided to  
sleep on it, and so did I. I forgot to visit Ucchan's in the  
mess.  
  
In hindsight, I wonder if... okay, it sounds ridiculous, but  
frankly I've heard of weirder : was P-Chan really that naked guy  
in disguise? Honestly. The guy couldn't have come in through  
the drain, so how else did he get there? Teleportation?  
  
It doesn't matter, though; the pig's gone, one way or  
another. The damage is done. I could investigate the problem of  
were-pigs later, if time allowed.  
  
*  
  
January 27th.  
  
I visited Ranma in the hospital today, tailing after Ukyou.   
She wanted to be by his side now that P-Chan mysteriously turned  
up... since pigs can't talk, I was safe, but if that naked guy  
showed up (or turned out to BE the pig) I could be in for a  
sticky situation. I made sure to keep my answers to any  
questions regarding the situation short and sweet.  
  
Ranma actually wasn't very badly hurt to begin with... he's  
survived scuffles with his other fiancees before, and loses the  
piglet all the time. It's quite common, apparently. But for  
some reason Doctor Tofu went completely berserk and managed to  
break Ranma's arm and three ribs while he was examining the boy's  
neck. The Tendos were visiting at the time... strange for him to  
select that moment of all moments to go scooters, right when  
there were plenty of witnesses. He seems like such a nice  
doctor, normally.  
  
Ranma recognized me as the kid with the weather project, and  
Ukyou told him my real name, but Saotome didn't make the  
connection. Ukyou was beginning to suspect, but I quietly  
steered the conversation away from that whenever it turned up.  
  
"Is the stupid pig back yet?" Ranma asked, hiking himself  
painfully up in bed.  
  
Ukyou nodded. "He showed up last night. I think he MIGHT  
have just been lost again."  
  
Ranma wheezed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness. It's not  
like him to wander out in the middle of the night, while Akane  
had him buried under her. Could someone have lifted him?"  
  
"I have leads," Ukyou said, not looking in my direction.   
"I'll look into it for you. Akane'll eat her words for claiming  
my Ran-chan lost her stupid pet!"  
  
Ukyou was not a happy camper that day. I tried chatting  
with her on the way back to the store about it.  
  
"Why do you think the pig was kidnapped?" I asked.  
  
"Ran-chan's right, P-Chan wouldn't run away in the middle of  
the night. Maybe someone who really wanted revenge on Akane took  
the pig, or maybe it was a pork fetishist... Nerima's a weird  
place, you know."  
  
"Tell me about it," I said. "Here I was thinking I could  
escape the Twilight Zone by transferring to Furinkan. Fat  
chance. Still, it's a more amusing Twilight Zone and less of a  
dreary one."  
  
"You like it here, don't you?" she asked, opening the  
store's front door (since our walking travels had just reached  
it).  
  
"Certainly. Ucchan's is a great place," I said. "You run a  
fine restaurant."  
  
"No, I mean Furinkan."  
  
"Hmm? Oh, that. Yeah, it's cool too. I've been quite  
happy here for a change."  
  
"Not too boring?"  
  
"Certainly not!"  
  
"And you enjoy the food at Ucchan's, yes?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
"And I pay you enough even though you don't work very often,  
right?"  
  
"Yuppers."  
  
"And P-Chan ran away from Azusa's house today, right?"  
  
"Uh-huh," I nodded.  
  
Open mouth. Insert foot.  
  
Ukyou walked inside and locked the door behind her.  
  
*  
  
January 28th.  
  
The snow started again. When will this damn weather go  
away? Some claim that snow's a beautiful and lovely weather  
occurrence, where you can make snowmen and sled and have fun. I  
say it's cold, wet, sticky, and bogs you down.  
  
I really screwed it up badly. I guessed Ukyou had blown the  
news by now that I was responsible for the theft of P-Chan. I  
tried rattling the door last night after she shut it on me, but  
she ignored the noise. Phone calls were unanswered. Faxes  
unsent. I tried a message by arrow, but the bowstring broke.   
The girl had jammed a spatula right through all my lines of  
communication, giving me the godawful silent treatment for my  
betrayal.  
  
So, I tried e-mail. She had an account, rarely used, but  
did read her mail when her schooltime and work allowed it.  
  
TO : ukyou@utensil.furinkan.edu.jp  
FROM : juyza@shavenyak.furinkan.edu.jp  
  
I'm sorry for the mess I've made. I know that sounds lame,  
but it's true, and I'm not going to do it again. Please don't  
hate me. I really don't want you to hate me.  
  
EOF  
  
I can't cancel the mail, even if it was the weakest, most  
pathetic bit of writing drivel I've ever slapped down in bits and  
bytes. Mailing again would look weird. All I can do is pray to  
the gods that she gets the letter and lets me talk to her again.  
  
Why was I doing this? I don't know. But Ukyou was the only  
person I had regular, healthy contact with in my new school and I  
didn't want to lose that. She could fire me and cast me off, but  
I didn't want her to not talk to me. That was horrible, like all  
these little anti-Juyza thoughts were whizzing around her head  
and I couldn't hear any. If she screamed and yelled and beat me  
to death I wouldn't mind, I'd die, but she'd at least TALK TO ME,  
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD  
  
*  
  
January 29th  
  
Ukyou hasn't responded to my mail yet. School closed  
because of snow. I'm checking my mail every ten minutes.  
  
*  
  
January 30th  
  
School is still closed and Chance's little toys are proving  
not to be insulated. Already Azusa's been trapped in her Dolly  
Room, and I had to pry the door open with a stick. I used the  
remote to shut all the systems down; I already lost what I was  
protecting and disgraced myself. Even if someone looted all of  
Azusa's galleries, I wouldn't care. Just more pain to heap onto  
the pain already there.  
  
I'm still checking my mail. I considered going by Ucchan's,  
but I couldn't get myself to do it.  
  
*  
  
January 31st  
  
I'm starting to wonder what Ukyou's doing right now. I'm  
envisioning her at Ranma's place, playing slave girl to him while  
he enjoys it, talking about how that baka Juyza nearly had her  
tricked into thinking he was an okay guy. Maybe he's even taking  
advantage of her...  
  
OKAY, that's a bit of a stretch. She was probably just  
tending to the store, not scootching by Ranma's side. I need a  
solid dose of reality in the form of e-mail, or I'll go start  
raving mad. I'm beating myself up over this, but I don't feel  
like stopping myself from doing it since I get the feeling that I  
deserve it.  
  
*  
  
February 1st. New month, whooo. Yahoo.  
  
Something was wrong. According to finger, Ukyou has read  
her mail, but I don't have a reply. Did the mailer eat it? Did  
she read it and delete it, ignoring me? What was going on?  
  
I couldn't handle the stress. I had to see her, even if she  
wouldn't look at me. I plodded through the snow, heading down  
the familiar route to Ucchan's.  
  
Business was low, since most people were stuck at home,  
holed up with central heating and hot chocolate. Here I was,  
fighting the elements to go visit a woman who would probably whap  
me one with a spatula and call our somewhat weird relationship  
null and void. I wanted to hear her talk, though, certain doom  
or not. At least have her declare me to be a baka and get it  
over with.  
  
I pushed open the door in such a way as not to ring the  
little bell over the door. Ukyou was busy behind the counter  
working on counting yen from the day's slim pickings when I  
entered.  
  
"Hi," I waved weakly.  
  
Ukyou looked up, then looked back down.  
  
"I think you got my mail," I said, ignoring her ignoring me.   
"If you didn't, I'll let you know now that I really am sorry for  
taking P-Chan. I knew what would happen to Ranma, and did it  
anyway, even though you specifically told me not to. I know I'm  
pond scum and don't deserve this job anymore, but I'd at least  
like to hear you say that. Say anything, really."  
  
"You're fired," she said, not looking up.  
  
"Good," I wheezed, exhaling finally. "I'm glad to hear it."  
  
"I can understand why you did it, though," she said, looking  
up. Brown eyes...  
  
"Yeah?" I replied, egging her on.  
  
"Everybody knows how pushy your sister is. You probably  
didn't have much choice, and I know you don't like dealing with  
her... Anybody else would have done it. I'm not that angry,  
really, just... betrayed."  
  
"You're not angry?"  
  
"Not really. You're a nice guy, Juyza, I know you wouldn't  
do anything like that out of malice."  
  
"But I did!" I said. "You're probably going to kill me  
after I say it, but I gotta, Ukyou. See, I did it not only in a  
power play against my sister, but I wanted to hurt Ranma a  
little. I KNEW it would happen, and liked the idea."  
  
"Hurt... Ran-chan?" Ukyou asked, confused. "Why would you  
want to do that?"  
  
"You deserve better than him, that's why!" I yelled, kicking  
a nearby potted plant, which yelped in pain. Ukyou paused to  
scoop Tsubasa up and chuck him out the door, and then motioned  
for me to continue.  
  
"Frankly, the guy's got three fiancees and doesn't seem  
intent on picking one. And here you are, strung along, hopes up  
and trying to please him when he avoids committing or rejecting  
at all costs. That's bloody awful and it's gotta tear you up to  
have to live through it. Any man that'd do THAT to you deserves  
a world of pain, a whole lifetime of hurting! You try to make  
him happy when his other fiancees abuse him and he doesn't seem  
to care. To him, you're just his cute fiancee Ucchan, nothing  
more. You deserve more than him."  
  
Ukyou paused, soaking that in. "Are you done?"  
  
"Yeah. If you want to destroy me, go ahead. I've said my  
peace and can get out of your life if you want me to. Just say  
the word."  
  
She laughed.  
  
I can't believe it, she was laughing. Laughing at my misery  
and her own. She shook her head, and I noticed tears near the  
corners of her eyes, the first time I ever spotted a sob from  
Ukyou. Ukyou, the sensible one, always patient, always calm,  
keeping herself in check for the rare moments when Ranma would  
enter her life.  
  
"Oh, Juyza-kun. You're so observant and you just don't see  
the whole picture," she said, mopping her face up a little with  
her apron. "I know Ranma is stuck in indecision, and probably  
will never get out of it. I know he might not pick me to be his  
wife, but I love him anyway just because of who he is. He brings  
some rare light into my life, and I cherish those moments..."  
  
"Light he takes away each time he offers it," I growled.  
  
"But I live for those moments, Juyza. If I can never have  
him, at least I'll have the times I had together with him and can  
look back on those fondly. I want him to know that I love him,  
no matter who he picks or what he does in the future, and that  
being around him is enough. I'll try and I'll keep trying,  
because even if the goal is unreachable, the struggle to get  
there is what counts."  
  
"But isn't it hollow? Pointless? A waste of time? I mean,  
living for select times in your life, knowing full well you may  
never get any more..."  
  
"We all do our best. Akane, Shampoo and I. Whoever wins in  
the end will win, but we'll all have a piece of him here," she  
said, pointing to her heart. "I can understand you wanting some  
revenge, but it's perfectly alright. Maybe because I'm not as  
giddy when he isn't around, you think I'm unhappy, but really I'm  
not. I like my life and wouldn't want to live it any other way.   
I'm right where I want to be at the moment."  
  
"So you don't want to destroy me for hurting your Ran-chan?"  
  
"If I destroyed everybody that hurt Ran-chan, there'd be a  
pile of dead bodies as high as Furinkan's clock tower," Ukyou  
laughed. "He has a lot of enemies. That's why he can't pick,  
really; the ties that bind him to us bind him to a number of  
horrible deaths as well. I really feel sorry for him at times."  
  
"So what should I do?" I asked. "Here I was expecting my  
demise and I find you surprisingly lenient. I'm confused."  
  
"You're still fired, of course," Ukyou said. "Really, you  
don't need to pretend you need the money. I know about your  
dad's account."  
  
"You do?"  
  
"You told me yourself... in the little things, things  
mentioned on the side. I've gotten to learn a lot about you,  
Juyza. You don't need to pretend to be money-stricken just to  
show up and talk to me. I talk to customers all the time."  
  
"Where does this put us?" I asked. The real question.  
  
"Was there ever an us?" Ukyou asked.  
  
"I can't tell. I mean, I've been showing all the signs of  
puppy dog love, despite my total lack of belief in the concept.   
I've done silly things in your name and regretted things I've  
done because of your reaction. I'm think I'm starting to act  
like Tsubasa."  
  
"No you're not. He's obsessed. You're a caring friend,  
Juyza. That's not a bad thing."  
  
"A friend," I repeated.  
  
"Do you mind being called that?" she asked.  
  
"No... no, not really. You're a wonderful person, Ukyou,  
but I don't think I could provide for you what your Ran-chan can.   
But it doesn't mean I don't care about you any less. I'd be  
kidding myself if I thought I was the right person for you, but  
I'm not going to walk out of your life. What's left to meet  
those requirements but a good friendship?"  
  
"So, friends?" she asked, holding out a hand to shake.  
  
"Friends," I repeated, shaking the hand firmly. "I  
certainly could use a good friend."  
  
"Well, friend, rest assured that I didn't tell Akane about  
your swine escapades," Ukyou said.  
  
"You didn't? Why?"  
  
"Too many people in this town already have blood enemies.   
There's no reason for me to give you one. You've got enough  
troubles of your own to have to deal with more."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"Well... thanks... Ucchan."  
  
"Don't mention it," she laughed. "What're friends for?"  
  
After that, the conversation dipped into the usual things;  
recent movies, restaurant biz, the mayhem that surrounds and  
binds Nermians to the land like a neon colored party streamer.   
The usual things and stuff, stuff and things, two good friends  
talking just as they always had.  
  
I was happy about it all. I helped her close up shop later  
on, checked my e-mail mbox (empty) and went to bed.  
  
*  
  
February 15th.  
  
Not too many bizarre things have happened. Well, plenty,  
like this ancient sword Azusa got me to swipe for her (and I in  
turn got back to the owner for double the CDs Azusa offered), and  
the weird business with the enchanted noodles Ukyou had to  
prevent Ranma from eating. P-Chan was still with Akane, I never  
saw the weird naked guy again, and Chance and I swapped Azusa  
Prevention tips.  
  
The weather was a bitch and the schoolwork sucked and  
generally life was a chaotic torrent of mishaps and disturbances.   
Life was sucky at times and very cool at others and everything  
was business as usual.  
  
I'll probably stop this journal now, since I've settled into  
a routine. Just like my routine of pain back in the day of  
Azusa's Family Regime and my brief excursion into the fast food  
industry, I'm locked into the loop once more and sitting pretty.   
I get into schemes with Azusa, Chance keeps Mikado safe from her,  
I chat with Ukyou when I can and Ranma still is the unluckiest  
man on earth. (I've gotten a bit more respect for him, through  
stories Ukyou tells me of his behaivor and problems. Oy, and I  
thought I had it bad?) Generally, this is a loop and a pattern I  
can get used to, and one I hope to be stuck in for a long time.  
  
A very long time indeed.  
  
*  
  
CLOSING THEME : "Welcome to Paradise," Green Day  
  
Dear Mother, can you hear me whining?  
It's been three whole weeks since I have left your home.  
This sudden fear has left me trembling,  
'Cause now it seems that I am out here on my own...  
And I'm feeling so alone...  
  
Pay attention to the cracked streets and the broken homes  
Some call it slums;  
Some call it nice!  
I want to take you through a wasteland  
I'd like to call my home  
Welcome to paradise!  
  
A gunshot rings out at the station  
Another urchin snaps and left dead on his own.  
It makes me wonder why I'm still here  
For some strange reason,  
It's now feeling like my home,  
And I'm never gonna go...  
  
Pay attention to the cracked streets and the broken homes  
Some call it slums;  
Some call it nice!  
I want to take you through a wasteland  
I'd like to call my home  
Welcome to paradise!  
  
(solo)  
  
Dear Mother, can you hear me laughing?  
It's been six whole months since I have left your home.  
It makes me wonder why I'm still here  
For some strange reason,  
It's now feeling like my home,  
And I'm never gonna go...  
  
Pay attention to the cracked streets and the broken homes  
Some call it slums;  
Some call it nice!  
I want to take you through a wasteland  
I'd like to call my home  
Welcome to paradise!  
  
THE END  
  
  
-=-  
  
AUTHOR'S POSTSCRIPT :  
  
Life is not fun in the Ranma universe for anybody. It's  
FUNNY, but not FUN. Existing there means getting into the  
requisite amount of brawls, duels, training, kidnappings,  
entangling relationships and so on. It's a tough place to live,  
but it's home, and we love it anyway.  
  
Juyza is stuck in a similar situation, but his situation is  
a bit grimmer because he's a minor character. He never even gets  
MENTIONED... just pushed aside since the important people like  
Azusa take center stage. This is a minor character's chance to  
break into the limelight and start interacting with Nerima's  
weirdest citizens, and he generally ends up better than he had  
been before; he's found a friend in Ukyou (although I have a  
feeling he's going to stick up for her beyond normal friendship),  
and gotten involved in the plots and mayhem surrounding the  
Golden Pair. He starts out friendless and bitter, and ends up  
with friends and a newer outlook on the world. From 'Life sucks'  
to 'Life sucks at times, but I can deal, bring it on.' Quite an  
uplifting ending.  
  
The story, however, is not fun to begin with. One of the  
main complaints of reviewers that was it wasn't Takahashi in  
nature, but the story never tried to be nor claimed to be silly  
fun. It's a slight dosage of the Real World (not the MTV show,  
the actual thing), a dosage that was there all along but passed  
over. Some didn't like the slang and language, some the  
situations presented. I cleaned up the language (all three  
instances of the s-word), since that wasn't too much to ask.  
  
Still, I'm not sure how this happened. I set out to write  
something interesting about this neat character I had worked up  
for a TP on RanmaMUCK, and I began to really identify with  
Juyza... seeing the Ranma situation from the burned, bitter  
viewpoint of a neglected Shiratori. I really got into it and was  
typing at WPMs that I normally reserve for some of my better  
FWLSes, like Help and Bloodlines. When I'm moving that fast,  
getting involved that deep with the characters, I know from  
experience that I've got some hot stuff indeed on my hands. This  
is why I was so shocked that not too many of the proofs liked it.  
  
I've taken steps to try and make it a bit lighter, but not  
so much that I'm bowing and scraping to audience whim. Most of  
the original spirit is present and going strong, since without  
that the story falls apart. Most of my fanfic so far, even with  
comedy, has been fairly dark since that's what I'm used to  
writing. I'm guessing if you liked the others, this one won't  
rub you the wrong way.  
  
The other biggest complaint was my characterization of  
Ukyou. Being the japanese-lacking American wannabe otaku I am,  
I'm stuck with Viz. I've been observing and taking notes and  
trying, and have done an okay job ensuring IC so far, but I'm  
told by proofers that my Ukyou is really out of whack, since  
she's too depressed.  
  
I was trying to show Ukyou as a good businesswoman, who's a  
bit more mature than the other fiancees and thinks in the long  
term instead of the Quick Ranma Fix (although she wouldn't shun  
one if it was presented to her :). The main bit that inspired  
this was the beginning of 'For Want of a Nail', where she had to  
work through her own birthday to make enough money to stay near  
Ran-chan. Using fanfiction as character basis is dangerous, but  
I could understand this angle; clearly the girl is willing to go  
the extra mile to be with Ranma, even if the extra mile means  
working harder and missing out on the fun. She must miss her  
Ran-chan at times, and look forward to his visits.  
  
Juyza doesn't know enough to look by the occasional  
melancholy of non-Ranma and see the true Ukyou (which she hints  
at during the closing dialogue). Seems logical enough to me, a  
different interpretation of how Ukyou spends her off-camera  
hours. I didn't change her character too much on this, just  
enough to ensure that it is Juyza's incorrect observations  
coupled with a little light melancholy.  
  
All that mess adds up for one strange fanfic. It's  
different, but as I mentioned in the foreword, different is good.   
Variety is nice. We could use a few more serious Ranma stories  
(not overdramatic or graphic in nature, just serious.)  
  
So hey, bake my mailbox in flames, praise, or advertisements  
for Jusenkyo(tm) magical products. I welcome any response to  
this. I won't defend the fanfic from attacks, though; if you  
have a problem with it, I won't argue with you, it's your opinion  
and you're entitled to it. I will answer questions about its  
development or aspects of the characters you'd like to know more  
about. Fanficmail beats the hell out of Pongmail any day.  
  
Thanks, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed the story. I'm  
having fun writing these; they're a great departure from my FWLS  
norm, which is really starting to get dull for me. If you'll  
excuse me, I'm off to call Viz and order tape six. (I screwed up  
and got seven, and now have a hole. Whooo. :)  
  
-- Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne (twoflowr@pixelscapes.com)  
 


End file.
